Archive for March, 2008

How to Kill a Zombie

Posted in zombie with tags , , on March 26, 2008 by banditjack

Here I will quote Shaun of the Dead, one of the best movies ever.

“The attackers can only be stopped by, removing the head, or destroying the brain. I’ll say that again… by removing the head…or destroying the brain.”

That’s pretty much it.

Grab a gun, sword, knife, grenade, rocket launcher, toothpick, or whatever, and get to smashing brains!

Today’s assigned reading: Field Manual – US Army – FM 8-51 – Combat Stress Control In A Theater Of Operations

Zombie Overview

Posted in zombie with tags , , on March 26, 2008 by banditjack

Our first order of business, is defining for the uneducated, what a zombie is. A zombie is a slow-moving, mostly-dead being who wishes to eat your flesh, drink your blood, and kill everyone you know and love. They are the enemy. They are unrelenting, and don’t take no for an answer. The average zombie is dumber than a box of rocks*, but still highly effective. The bite of a zombie is highly infectious and will spread the affliction rapidly. The time it takes for an individual to be completely overrun byb zombie misgivings depends upon the individuals size, metabolism, tenacity, and ass-kicking ability.

General Advice:

-Zombie. Shoot it in the head!

-Do NOT approach a suspected zombie.

-Do NOT attempt, under any circumstances, to mate with a zombie.

-While marrying a zombie is legal, it is highly inadvisable.

-Do not allow a zombie to “nibble on your finger”

-Never trust a zombie with your baby.

-An individual who is bitten has the same handling rules as a regular zombie.

-Do NOT set a zombie on fire. They will walk around and ruin all your stuff.

*Rocks, however, are not dumb. They can be thrown at zombies.